The CELEBRATION news"E"letter
Number 11, April 2000
by Laura M. Stack, MBA
Published by Celebration Presentations
…your Personal and Professional Development Resource
The CELEBRATION news"E"letter is a monthly electronic newsletter distributed to our clients, human resource personnel, and colleagues. Celebration Presentations works with organizations that want more productive people and individuals who want to lead more fulfilling lives. Our programs provide the personal productivity, communication, and professional development skills needed to improve performance on the job and create organizational growth.
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First, the big news! John K. Stack (Johnny) was born February 7, 2000. He was 8 lbs. 8 oz and 20-1/2 inches long. He’s healthy and happy and sleeps 11 hours at night with one feeding! I’m back into the swing of things now, and my husband John is staying home with him until June.
The next biggest news: At 30 years old, Laura is the youngest businesswoman in the history of the National Speakers Association (NSA) to be awarded the Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) designation. She will receive this designation at the national convention in August.
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IN THIS ISSUE:
* Article: “Personal Boundaries: Essential for Balance”
* Time Tips and Traps
* Words of Wisdom
* Featured Program: “Turn Your Piles Into Smiles”
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ARTICLE: “Personal Boundaries: Essential for Balance”
Setting boundaries is critical if you want to increase your personal productivity and maintain balance. Setting boundaries is a way of defining who you are, what you’re all about, what’s acceptable to you, and what’s not. Have you ever had a heated exchange with someone, only to come up with all the things you should have said two hours later? That occurs when you don’t set proper limits and take care of business when it’s in front of you.
You set limits are when you express feelings, opinions, desires, or needs—you bring problems out in the open, even if may cause conflict. It is not about revenge, seeing who can make the cuter comment, or being a smart-alec. It is about expressing your individuality in a world of differences and balancing respect for others with respect for yourself.
Creating boundaries is a crucial step in regaining control of your life. We often act like the full-service gas stations of old: “You pull on up into my life, and I will fill you up and make you happy. What can I do for you? I’m here to take care of your needs.” And what happened to full-service gas stations? They have largely become a thing of the past. Times are changing—the trend is now self-service. You still take care of the basics. You maintain your own car, you fill it with gas, and put air in the tires. However, anything beyond that, you ask for help, you consult, you collaborate. You draw upon the resources of your pit crew when you encounter trouble. You must do maintenance prevention on yourself. Ask yourself, “Am I a quart low?”
If the answer is yes, you need to get better at setting boundaries. For example, question travel requests when you feel a conference call would be sufficient. Tell the kids that your private time cannot be interrupted. Don’t take phone calls during specific times. Refuse to take business lunches. I personally don’t accept more than three out-of-town speaking engagements per month. It’s important for me to be around for my young children. So after three days, I tell clients my calendar is closed for that month and make up the rest with local corporate clients.
Take a close look at how much time you could save for yourself next week, if this week you started being honest with people about things you don’t really want to do. Say, “NO!” Some people have a jam-packed calendar because they just can’t say that little word. Be realistic! Your friend is not going to hate you if you can’t go shopping. The world will not stop revolving if you don’t chair the PR committee. If you’ve been asked to bake brownies for the Girl Scout meeting, offer to buy some during your next shopping trip instead. Think of other ways to accommodate requests made by others. If that’s not good enough, the meeting planner will ask someone else. Good! At least you’ve done your part.
If someone asks you to lunch and you just cannot find the time, you might politely say, “Ordinarily that would be fine, but it just doesn’t fit into my schedule right now.” Learn to say no to your boss too! When your boss asks you to take on yet another huge project say, “Right now I’m working on that database project you assigned me. I’m afraid if I take on something new, it won’t get done on time. However, I am willing to do this new project. Which do you prefer?” Or “I’ll be glad to handle that for you. However, I can’t get to it until I finish the XYZ project. I’ll have that to you in three weeks.” Ask your boss what the relative priorities are for the different pieces of work on your plate. That’s a reasonable way to call your existing workload to your boss’ attention, and you won’t be fired for pointing it out.
The key is to find a way to say no in a way that is polite, from the heart, and speaks your peace. Don’t be too passive and let others violate your rights, but don’t be too aggressive either and violate others’ rights. Here’s a good phrase that works for me: “Thank you so much for asking, but that just doesn’t work for me right now.” Then smile, look at them in the eyes, and BE QUIET! You don’t need to rationalize or explain. What can they say to that? If they try to object, just keep repeating, “That just doesn’t work for me right now.” It’s friendly, but firm. In addition, get into the habit of ALWAYS buying time. When asked to do something, respond automatically, “I’ll need to check my schedule and get back to you on that.” And remember, if you agreed to do something you’d much rather not, it is never too late to call the person and back out. Say, “You know, I told you I could do this, but I shouldn’t have committed. I won’t be able to participate after all.”
Equally important is saying no to YOURSELF. When you find yourself sitting on the fence about whether to go to a meeting or social function (especially if you’re not excited about attending), tell yourself NO and decline attending. Then you’ll have some time to get to some of those pleasant activities without guilt.
Keep a note on your refrigerator to remind you to stop carrying the world on your shoulders. Write, “Dear Laura, You are not 100% totally responsible for everything, taking care of everything, or taking care of everybody. That’s my job. Love, God.” Don’t exaggerate your responsibilities and make unrealistic demands on yourself by taking on more than your share. You are not in charge of everyone’s happiness and making sure everything goes well in every life that yours touches. Don’t do what belongs under someone else’s hood.
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TIME TIPS AND TRAPS
· If you have a hard time saying “no,” provide alternatives. “No, I can’t chat with you right now because I’m up against a tight deadline. However, can I call you at 3:00 to discuss it?” “No, I can’t meet with you today because I have to leave at noon, but I can meet with you tomorrow or the next day. Which is best for you?” This defuses a confrontation over “no,” and allows a discussion about which “yes” works best.
· Look at airplane trips and doctor’s visits as opportunities, rather than ordeals. Rip out magazine articles and keep them in a “read” file. During visits and long trips, pull them out. Or write articles, read the “heavy” books, or plan out your monthly goals.
· Have a designated day of the week (ours is Sundays) for “Family Day.” Family members take turns deciding what we will make for a special breakfast, where the family should go that day (movies, Chuck E. Cheese’s, bowling, etc.) and which restaurant we should visit that evening.
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WORDS OF WISDOM
· “One-on-one experiences are where most of the real work of the family is done. This is where there is the deepest nurturing of the heart and soul. This is where the most significant sharing, the most profound teaching, the deepest bonding takes place.” ----Steven R. Covey
· “I don’t have a problem with balance. I set my priorities, and I say, ‘Family comes first.’” ----Bill Marriott
· There was a very cautious man who never laughed or cried. He never risked, he never lost, he never won nor tried. And when he one day passed away, his insurance was denied. For since he never really lived, they claimed he never died.
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FEATURED PROGRAM: “Turn Your Piles Into Smiles: Organize Your Office and Your Life”
Do you feel like you’re slowly drowning in a sea of paper? Does the sight of your messy office frustrate you? You may be smart. You may work hard. But if you’re disorganized, every step is a struggle. In this age of downsizing and a do-more-with-less mentality, efficiency is more important than ever before. This course will help professionals, managers, and administrative staff stay on top of things. You will gain scores of new tips and techniques for organizing paper, e-mail, desk space, computers, calendars, storage, and files. Bring order into your life, both personally and professionally!
Course Objectives
· Implement The “6-D” System For Paper Management
· Construct An “In-Basket With Dates” So You Never Misplace Time-Sensitive Documents
· Create Filing Systems That Are Easy To Use
· Reduce Your Reading, Pending, and “To-Do” Piles
· Keep Track Of Your Phone Calls
· Handle Your Email Effectively
· Develop An Effective Time Management System
· Organize Any Area Systematically
For more information about “Turn Your Piles Into Smiles,” please call 303-471-7401. Mention this newsletter and receive a 20% discount on this program when brought on-site to your organization.
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CONTACT US
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http://www.laurastack.com
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Contact info:
Mailing address: 9948 S. Cottoncreek Drive, Highlands Ranch, CO 80130
Phone: 303-471-7401
Fax: 303-471-7402
Email: Laura@TheProductivityPro.com